I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
