So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
