dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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