just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
