So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
