I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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