what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
