I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
