i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
