i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
