The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
