in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
