Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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