I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
