it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
