I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
