do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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