Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
