saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
