Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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