I cut my penus on the lid.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
