You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
