This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize