he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize