I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
