Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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