just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
