im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
