How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
