no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
