there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
