The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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