Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
