I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
