whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
