Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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