For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
