the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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