We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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