Already got asked if we're dating
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
