i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
