Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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