Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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