On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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