Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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