first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
