It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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