We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
