I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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