i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
