..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
