in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
