So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
