i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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