Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
