we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
