life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Mom said you looked used
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
