Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
