Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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