I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
