He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
