forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
