His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize