I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
