not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
