Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
