I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i drank out of a bidet.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
