you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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