Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
