We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
